kate hudson pregnant weight loss
I really, really want to be able to write an inspiring post about how to remain calm or have hope or whatever during a pregnancy after loss. But instead, Im in what is probably one of the deepest, darkest places Ive ever been. Ive been bleeding off and on all week, mostly pretty light but it picks up as my activity picks up. Im a terrible, horrible wreck about it all in a way I thought I would never be. I am currently laying in bed in some of the most wretched pain Ive ever been in, completely caused by stress. Ive always felt pain in my neck and shoulders when stressed but never like this. The throbbing is overwhelming, to the point where I cant move or function, and its making me incredibly nauseous.
I dont really know what to do about it. Usually the best way I manage stress is by exercising but any time Ive managed even the most light of exercise, the bleeding has increased and I imagine thats not a good thing. My next ultrasound is a week away and I just dont know how Ill survive until then. The stress and fear is making me physically so sick and unable to function. I cant take care of myself and I cant take care of Lucia. Im losing weight and cant sleep. The anxiety is eating away at me.
This isnt like me at all - Ive never been a worrier in the least but Ive noticed becoming increasingly paranoid as the miscarriage count has increased and I wonder if I miscarry if were just done. I am not sure if I could do this to myself or my family again. Ive always said we wont avoid pregnancy as long as Im physically and mentally healthy enough to undergo another pregnancy and miscarriage, and I think this might be the straw that breaks the camels back (or the miscarriage that breaks my mental sanity, as it were). We are also woefully without a support system of people here who will help watch Lucia, bring us meals, or even friends and family (near or far) that will call me regularly to check on me. Its getting to be way too much to bear on our own. The financial strain ($500/month for injection not covered by instance that Im not wholly convinced do a darn thing) is also getting to be too much. And for the first time in my miscarriage journey, I feel angry at God - for not only allowing me to be in this position but for not providing me with any comfort.
Ive read about some studies that say that "tender loving care" has as much of a positive outcome for women whove had multiple miscarriages as any medical treatments. Providing support and keeping the mother calm and positive about the pregnancy gave her much better odds of carrying to term. Well, if my baby had a good chance before I started bleeding, he/she probably has none now.
I feel incredibly hopeless and helpless and physically miserably right now. And there isnt a thing in this world that can help. If we see an empty sac again on Friday, I know Ill be fine. I can handle another miscarriage. I think I could have handled the time so far had I not started bleeding. But now that Ive had problems with this pregnancy and a bunch of miscarriages behind me, I just dont know how I could handle another 7-8 months of pregnancy. How can my family survive that long without me being functional for them? I just dont even want to think about it.
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