weight loss during pregnancy is it normal
Another Mothers Day. Six years ago, after losing Solomon, my husband and I went on a trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas. I always considered that my consolation prize." Instead of attending the black-tie ball in a maternity gown, I was there stuffed into a size 2 number with a blubber belly from the pregnancy. I hated myself and almost everyone else. I didnt have too much fun on the trip, there was an emptiness inside of me that no amount of sunshine, pampering and food (really good food) could fill. I hadnt yet begun to think of myself as a childless mother, but I did define myself as a mother whose child had died. My husband gave me a gold little boy charm which Id had engraved Solomon 5/8/00. Friends looked at me oddly when I showed them. So many folks were clueless and I didnt have the words or energy to explain.
I had braids put in my hair ocean-side, sitting in the hot sun. It hurt a lot but I somehow felt I deserved it, that I deserved to suffer. I did everything in power to protect Solomon and in the end nothing mattered, he was lost.
And today, with Alison and Adam running around - gosh, its just so different. Im their mother, they have no one else and hopefully never will. The sun rises and sets with them. I hope they never feel Im needy of them, even though I am.
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