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pregnancy weight loss in third trimester | Will you try again Thoughts on another pregnancy after a pregnancy after loss

Senin, 07 Maret 2016

pregnancy weight loss in third trimester


Recently, weve had several people ask whether we would have try for more children after this pregnancy. None of them were nosy strangers; they were all people who knew about our losses and are generally concerned about our future, know that we have wanted a large family and also the toll that several miscarriages have had on us.

We dont really have a definitive answer at this point. Truly, I dont feel comfortable making that decision now...or ever. I just cant say that well never have more children because we really do try to take it one month at a time. Since this baby isnt even here yet, I have no idea where well be physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially when my cycles return (it took 11 months after Lucia was born, so were looking at somewhere around October 2016 before wed even need to make a decision of any kind). But, it is something we do think about and talk about and so heres where were at right now.

My pregnancy, labor, and delivery were Lucia was incredibly affirming of our desire for a large family. Aside from the normal symptoms of morning sickness in the first trimester and heartburn in the third, I felt wonderful my entire pregnancy. The pregnancy was textbook perfect, without a single complication. The labor and delivery were also complication and intervention free. And I was probably one of the most laid back pregnant women - I never once called my midwives with questions, never worried about my health or the health of the baby, I cant remember ever being anxious or confused or scared about any aspect of pregnancy. After Lucia was born, I was so confident in the ability of my body to create and nurture children and I looked forward to the pregnancies to come and the large family we would have.

That pregnancy was such a gift. I know so many women who have never been able to have that experience. Their first pregnancies ended in miscarriage, or were overshadowed with serious complications or mental health issues, or came after years of infertility struggles which left them with little confidence in their bodies abilities to do what should come naturally.

But early motherhood for me came easy, physically and emotionally. Even after Lucia was here, being a mom seemed natural and I never struggled with my changing roles. I always wanted to be a mother and when I became one, everything about it seemed so intuitive. It all seemed like an affirmation of where my life was going; if motherhood felt so right - physically, emotionally, practically - then didnt it make sense that I would have many children, the chance to replicate these experiences over and over?
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My due date for this baby is exactly three weeks shy of four years since my due date with Lucia. We certainly didnt expect our children to be this far apart in age. Many couples wait much longer than we have for a living child. We know that while our path hasnt been easy, it could have been much more difficult and we are grateful for our blessings. But we are also wary for our future.

This pregnancy has been very trying for me. After four miscarriages, the belief that my body knows what its supposed to do, or even that its a safe place for our child, is no longer intact. Physically this pregnancy is much more difficult and I constantly feel worn down and in some form of pain. Its nothing to complain about really, its all within the realm of "normal" for a pregnancy and certainly is worth enduring for my child, but it is another reminder that my body isnt quite so conducive to pregnancy as I once thought. Emotionally, this pregnancy has been strenuous and when I look ahead to future pregnancies, I cant imagine that theyll be much easier. Its tempting to try to assume that a healthy labor, delivery, and baby at the end of this pregnancy will heal much of the pain of the past and make future pregnancies easier, but it seems much more likely that the scars will remain long after this pregnancy.

At this point, the thought of ever getting pregnant again is terrifying. I cannot count the times during this pregnancy, during moments of extreme anxiety, when Ive made my husband promise wed never, ever try to get pregnant again.  Just the thought of trying is panic inducing. Attempting to conceive a child is not an exciting, hope-filled endeavor for us anymore. After all, two-thirds of our children have died, a sobering statistic that sucks the joy out of thoughts of growing our family. We have no way of knowing whether I carried past the first trimester this time because of the surgery that removed endometriosis or whether this was just a random occurrence. Perhaps endometriosis wasnt even the problem in the first place, and the real issue is still there. I have no idea what my chances are for future miscarriages. As anxiety-ridden as it has been, I believe I could probably handle another healthy pregnancy, but Im not entirely sure I could cope with more miscarriages or a complication-riddled pregnancy. I have obligations to care for husband and living children and worry that attempts to expand our family further would prevent me from caring for the family I already have.

Perhaps after this baby is born, our future fertility plans will become more clear. I pray that circumstances may change so that we might still have the large family we always longed for. Im young enough that I have more than a decade of fertility ahead of me, so I assume we will try again at some point. However, because I had endometriosis, which even after surgery has a high chance for coming back (and only gets worse over time), there is a lot of pressure to get pregnant again right away. I dont think well do that and perhaps Ill need to have surgery again later down the road if we decide to try for more children. Perhaps Ill have more miscarriages. Maybe Ill suffer from secondary infertility.

Looking ahead at our future family, we acknowledge that its entirely possible that, for whatever reason, this baby may be our last living child. Its a thought that brings me sadness but, at the same time, a measure of relief. Knowing that, if we find ourselves in the position of needing to, we can avoid pregnancy the rest of our childbearing years is a blessing. Its not a decision we take lightly; we are dedicated to being open to life and not using artificial means to prevent pregnancy and would welcome any surprise children God sent our way, but having that option is something we need to know is available to us. We are blessed in that while NFP has been emotionally draining when trying to conceive and navigate the medical side of miscarriage, its been pretty easy for us to utilize to avoid pregnancy and I wonder if this is not the reason why - because perhaps well need to use it for many, many years.



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after pregnancy weight loss in urdu | How many children do you have

Senin, 29 Februari 2016

after pregnancy weight loss in urdu


Earlier today, on Facebook and Twitter, I asked the question, "When people ask you how many children you have, do you include the children youve lost?" The answers were interesting and varied, and I thought I would share my own personal response here.

First of all, I know my husband and I have conceived at least six children. I say "at least" because I suspect that Ive had a few other unconfirmed "chemical pregnancies" (very early miscarriages) based on my charts from the past few years, but also because most women have most likely had early miscarriages of which they are completely unaware. There are some statistics out there that put the percentage of miscarriages of unconfirmed pregnancies at 50%. So its quite possible that half of all pregnancies end before a woman even has the chance to know shes pregnant and then another 20-30% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage. So, its fairly impossible (this side of heaven) for any woman to know for sure how many children shes truly conceived. In some ways, attempting to answer the questions "How many children to do have?" with 100% certainty is a bit unrealistic. But my husband and I know weve conceived six and we acknowledge all of those souls as our children. Those who have passed are not any less real or significant than those here on earth with us. We dont distinguish.

But, if were talking semantics, I dont have six children. I currently have two children - one who is currently playing downstairs and the other currently playing in my womb. God has the other four (or more, as I suspect). So, when asked how many children I have, I dont feel one bit guilty if I say I only have one or two (depending on whether Im counting the baby in the womb or not - I am still not yet used to counting him/her and until just recently, it wasnt obvious I was pregnant and I prefer not to talk about it if I can avoid it) because thats all I have here on earth with me. I dont feel like Im forgetting about the babies who have died or that Im somehow failing to honor them. Its just the plain truth. I always assume that the person who asks wants to know how many children I am raising, not how many children my husband and I conceived, and I find it best to answer a question by addressing its intention.

When it comes down to it though, I try to avoid answering the question directly. When asked, "How many children do you have?" I usually say, "I have a three year old." Now that Im a bit more obviously pregnant, Ive been asked quite a bit (when Lucias not around, of course), "Is this your first?" And I answer the same way, "No, I have a three year old," instead of having to decide whether to say, "No, its my second," or "No, its my sixth." Its a simple way to avoid having to directly answer with a number and gets across the information that was requested. (Again, deferring to the intention of the question.)

When someone directly asks if this is my second child, however, I do share that its my sixth. Im not sure why the distinction. Maybe its semantics. I only have two children on earth, but this baby is not my second child. Second living child, yes. Second child, no. I know that doesnt make much sense. What can I say, the minds of women after loss are complicated places. There are very few things that all women who have experienced loss have in common, but I do believe one thing thats pretty constant is that each of us will find ourselves inordinately stuck on something while other things just dont bother us. We each have our own triggers, but I think each of us have them, whatever they are. Calling my baby my second child is just one of those. Its just not something Im comfortable with, and I probably just notice it so much because it does bother me, but it seems like our society is pretty stuck on saying things like, "Congrats on baby #2", which is akin to nails on a chalkboard to me (especially from people who know about our losses).

So, if youve had a loss, how do you answer these questions? Are you comfortable with your response? Do you have certain comments or phrases that bother you more than others (like calling our current pregnancy "baby #2" bothers me)?




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