pregnancy with weight loss surgery | 15

pregnancy with weight loss surgery

Dreading today as always. Having one of my "anniversary" stomach aches.  In 15 years since losing Solomon, I have birthed two children who continue to thrive.  I have taken on volunteer roles I never knew existed.  I started part-time work that is very rewarding.  Ive made friends, many of whom I would never have crossed paths with.

Solomon hugged me today.  I had misplaced his Certificate of Stillbirth and it has weighed on my mind for months. I have the scan of it in my laptop.  Today, not even looking for it, it appeared:  I found it tucked in with my label paper of all things.

I feel my loss very acutely on this day.  Eric has commented (to me in real life) how interesting it is to see who has acknowledged my Facebook photo: the scrapbook page I made for Solomon. 

Eric has given me space today and also kept my mind occupied.  We can talk about Solomon in a way we could not 15 years ago.  I watch the clock, and remember the day.  My tears come quietly.







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weight loss with pregnancy hormone drops | Greys Anatomy

weight loss with pregnancy hormone drops

On Thursday February 12, 2015, Greys Anatomy aired "All I Could Do Was Cry."  The story revolved around two lead characters and the prospect of losing their baby mid-pregnancy.  I wish there would have been one of those scrolling red bars at the bottom of my TV screen, you know the ones, they run most of the time during the winter months to warn of hazardous weather.

Anyway, I watched the episode because I love this show and happen to find myself home, without any kid-transporting or errand-running.  To say the show covered a lifetime of emotions is an understatement.

I was first moved when April became aware there was nothing she could do for her son in utero, that he was in pain.  This was the deciding factor for her to move forward to end her pregnancy. I know that moment, as does anyone who is probably reading this blog.  

Another poignant moment was when Aprils mother-in-law spoke to her about releasing her baby.  The MIL gave April the strength she needed.  I was blessed to have someone do this for me and it came in the form of my best friends aunt.  She told me she would pray for me and while I cried to her on the telephone, she told me she would be my vitamin, she would be my strength.  I hear her words whenever I have the opportunity to see her.

And while April still is holding out for a miracle, knowing they occur, I remember I wanted one too. Who wouldnt?  I wanted to be the medical mystery, I wanted my miracle.  But in my immediate situation I would not have it.  My induction proceeded and I thought my physician was crazy.  But on TV, April and Jackson (her husband) were able to hold their baby for the few seconds that he lived.  Maybe that was their miracle.


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zumba pregnancy weight lose | Surprising Moment

zumba pregnancy weight lose

So I am gainfully employed for a bit, part-time and temporary through mid-August. I like my work, the environment, my co-workers and especially my supervisor whom I call "boss lady." This woman really could have been a grief counselor as she is a really great teacher, patient and calm, and an overall wonderful person.

I am at work and reviewing some forms...hey its not too exciting but its my job. And I see the name of a child. This child is a girl, this child is in 6th grade in our school District and I know this childs mom from my former life - the one before - the one where I also worked but the one where people knew me before I lost Solomon.

As soon as I see this childs name my heart skips a beat. I remember when this child was born, a few weeks after Solomon. I remember thinking how this child and Solomon would be in school together because this childs mom was one of the many whom I knew was pregnant with me. Then the obvious comes to the surface, no, Solomon will never be in school.

I had to stop what I was doing and just remind myself to breath. It was harder than I thought but I managed to get through the moment. But still I just wish sometimes there werent moments I had to get through in the first place. You know?

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zumba for post pregnancy weight loss | Always a bridesmaid

zumba for post pregnancy weight loss

Today the Certificate of Stillbirth applications are available.  This was a long road for so many and I am happy for those who will be able to obtain one.  Sadly, it is not looking likely that I will.  Because I was not at that magical "20 week" mark, and only a mere 19 weeks 6 days, Solomon was not turned over to a funeral director for burial.  The application asks for this information.  Yet again my experience going through childbirth is not acknowledged.

Regardless, here are two sites you can obtain the information from:
http://www.danielsstar.org/03212012%20NYC%20instructions.html
http://www.angelnames.org/

Good luck.

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