weight loss during pregnancy last month | Plenty of Time

weight loss during pregnancy last month

I often hear, "Youre young, you still have plenty of time to have another child."

Its true.  While I certainly dont take it for granted, I know that there is a good chance that we will eventually have another living child, maybe several. I doubt well have the large family we always wanted, but Lucia will probably not be an only child.

So, since its true, why is it so hurtful?  Because, in essence, its a non sequitur.  People who say it arent addressing the root of my sadness.  Im not mourning my future fertility.  Im not upset because Im never going to have another child.  (Though I certainly will worry about that until we do.)  Im grieving what might have been and will never be.

Im grieving the four souls that I will never meet in this world.  No future child will replace them.  They are each unique individuals, with unique DNA, unique souls.  They would have had their own mannerisms, their own unique appearance, their own dreams, and talents, and preferences.  They are irreplaceable.  I am not mourning that I dont have another child, Im mourning those specific children.  My children, who my husband and I conceived in love and who we love deeply.

Im grieving that my daughter will not have a sibling close in age.  Yes, she may still have sibling(s).  Yes, she may still be very close to them even if they are far in age.  Yes, even if she had siblings close in age, she may have had dysfunctional relationships with them.  But there is still something lost there.  Something we desired so greatly, to have children close in age.  Something she desires so greatly when she pines for a sibling and asks why all her friends have little siblings.  That is something lost that cannot be recovered.

Im grieving the dreams I had for my life and my family.  Even though I know that we can have an equally beautiful life with the cards weve been handed, it still hurts to have to close the door on what I desire so deeply.

Im grieving the loss of joy that comes with pregnancy.  Four out of five times, those two pink lines have meant, "Im going to have a miscarriage," instead of, "Im going to have a baby."  And now the thought of pregnancy brings nothing but despair and grief.  The thought of holding another child in my arms continues to give us the hope to move forward but the pregnancy itself is greatly dreaded.  I mourn the fact that I will never again burst with joy upon seeing a positive pregnancy test. Im much more likely to break down in tears. 

Im grieving my lack of healthy fertility and the natural process of conception and pregnancy that weve had to leave behind.  Having to give myself shots and have surgery and chart cervical mucus and time intercourse and give blood so often that I feel like a pincushion makes me feel more like a science experiment than a young wife trying to create new life through the love of her husband. I am so grateful that modern medicine is available to help us figure out why our babies are dying and give the next baby a chance at life. But this is not how God intended it to be. And Im mourning the natural, beautiful process that has been stolen from me and replaced with a sterile, medicalized path to parenthood.  We will never have the opportunity to say, "This month, lets try for a baby!" and then just...try.  We wont ever be able to just "let God decide" and have a pregnancy happen when it happens.  No, well always have to carefully chart and get medications and meet with the doctor before we try to conceive.

Im grieving my loss of innocence.  Oh, how sweet it all was when pregnancy and sex and trying to conceive and our future family only held such happy things!  When pain and sadness didnt seep into every aspect of my life.  When I could see a pregnant belly and not feel a twinge of jealousy along with joy.  Im so much wiser now and I think a bit more compassionate, but the expense of that was so great. So, so great.

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weight loss last trimester pregnancy | What is Good What is Difficult

weight loss last trimester pregnancy

Hallie Lord wrote this piece a few days ago saying its ok to when you have mixed feelings about pregnancy. What bravery it can take to admit within Catholic, pro-life circles that each new baby is not immediately met with joy and nothing but joy. This adds another valuable piece to the discussion on pregnancy started recently by this article discussing the importance of acknowledging the struggles of pregnancy.

Perhaps the question that most deeply reaches the root of these issues is Why are we afraid to admit that things that are the most good are often also the most difficult? It seems almost obvious that anything truly good would require sacrifice; Satan certainly does not want us to do what is good and therefore will confound our efforts in every way. Things that are bad, well, those seems to be so easy. For a reason. Dont underestimate the enemy. He is cunning. This world has been corrupted so that sin easily flourishes and those who do the will of God have an uphill battle.

I worry that some Christians hope to share the faith by portraying it as a pathway to obtaining your hearts desires. If only you follow, Christ, they say, you will be happy! All the time! Life will be easy. Prayer and true faith will wipe away all your burdens. We have to be careful to acknowledge that while Christ is the source of joy, we are not promised earthly happiness or a lack of suffering. We have only to look at the lives of the Saints for confirmation of this. There are Saints who suffered painful diseases, the murder of spouses, the death of young children, rape, abusive marriages, and torturous deaths. If those men, women, and children, the exalted examples of faithfulness, experienced such suffering then surely Christian faith is not some magic charm that repels all bad that might befall us. I cannot imagine the Saints in their midst of their suffering would be described as "happy" in the earthly sense, but joy - oh they exuded the joy of Christ even then!

Many people ask what we need to do to attract young people to the faith. The answer is not to make faith fit effortlessly into their lives by making it easy. I drive by a church with a sign that proudly proclaims, "Like to sleep in on the weekends? We make church convenient for you!" People arent looking for a faith that is convenient so they can go on living their lives exactly the same. They are looking for a faith that radically changes their lives and challenges them. Young people are searching for something and an easy religion that asks nothing of them doesnt fulfill that longing. They are not looking for a "safe faith". Christ said, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." A tall order, but how can we do great things of great things are not asked of us?

"Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? Course he isnt safe. But hes good. Hes the King, I tell you.”-C.S. Lewis, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe 

It is not love to only share part of the Gospel, the sanitized, safe little story of a God who loves us and wants us to be happy. We must authentically share the faith and in order to do so, we much acknowledge that with the joy of Christ also comes our individual crosses, some of them quite heavy. How much more powerful is it to share the stories of Christians who have suffered greatly, even died for their faith, but loved God so much through it all, than a story of a perfect little life in which Christianity was easy. Im apt to believe that the early Christians flocked to the faith because they saw how powerful it was - people were ripped to shreds by lions in the arena for their Christian faith, and with a smile on their faces and songs on their lips! If they were looking for something safe and easy, Christianity would have been the last thing they would have chosen. They werent looking for easy, but for Truth! How ineffective in comparison is a faith practiced by those who are blessed all their lives. That god seems nothing more than a genie, a wish-granter. How easy it must be to love a sweet, kind god who makes your life perfect! Theres an appeal there, of course, but since all of us will experiencing some suffering in our lives, its easy to lose a faith based on a god who grants earthly happiness to his faithful. That is a faith built on straw, with no basis in the scriptures. Instead, we must teach a faith built on rock.

In our faith, the faith built on Peter, Christs rock, human life is greatly valued. A new pregnancy and a new child are always good. But not always easy. There is no reason for guilt in acknowledging that. In fact, by doing so, we are elevating human life even more - how valuable is a new life that we are willing to endure great hardship to bear it! Therein lies a truth that our Catholic ancestors knew quite well and embraced much better than we do today, that Christian life is demanding and that those very demands are what set us apart and demonstrate to those around us the greatness of our God.

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pregnancy weight loss morning sickness | Useless

pregnancy weight loss morning sickness

The overwhelming feeling I have in the wake of a miscarriage is uselessness. Biologically, Im useless, unable to do the one thing Im specially created as a woman to do - sustain a new life in my womb. This is no small matter, its a matter of life and death. A child is conceived and its my sole responsibility to care for that child for the next nine months. And I cant. Obviously, its not my "fault" in the sense that it is purposeful or avoidable. But still, deliberate or not, Im not fulfilling my biological purpose. Im useless.

While Im recovering, I lay in bed, of no use to my husband and daughter. David has to take care of me, take care of the house, take care of our daughter. This miscarriage has physically been very mild but Im still feeling unwell, weak, in pain, exhausted. I am useless. A burden.

When I start feeling better, I overcompensate. I obsess about having a clean house, making dinner, doing everything I can possibly do so that I am useful. So that I have some meaning. I also force myself to make things - to knit or craft or whatever, so that I can prove Im capable of making something, if not a baby, at least something that is useful or beautiful or thoughtful.

I feel like I have to prove that Im useful, that I somehow add value to my family because deep inside I feel like perhaps they are better off without me.  I know, logically, that this isnt true. I know that every person, every family member, has dignity. That our worth is not measured by how well our body functions. After all, I truly, deeply believe that people with physical (and mental) disabilities are valuable members of our society. But when it comes to myself, I have little mercy. I may know that Lucia needs her mother and David needs his wife and that the love I give them is enough to make me useful. And yet, knowing that doesnt make it feel real. 

I feel like Im defined solely by my inability to bear more children. By my failures to protect my unborn children. I feel incredibly broken and unworthly. I feel very alone. Everywhere I look there are babies and pregnant bellies and joy. Babies bring so much joy to the world and because I cannot carry my children to term, I deny my family this joy.

All I want is to feel useful again. Like I have something to give that is at least of equal value to what I take. I am in need of so much right now. Physical assistance, emotional support, a shoulder to cry on, someone to make me breakfast. I know I should just ask for the help I need, but I wont. I wont even accept it when its offered because it makes me feel selfish. Because I have nothing to give in return.

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